The inspiration for this project came from my own experiences since coming to college. When I was a first semester freshman there was talk that Richard Spencer, a known white supremacist who was involved in the hatred that sparked violence at Charlottesville, may be coming to speak on campus. The University’s President sent out a factual, but overall underwhelming, email about the legal reasons why the University must allow Spencer to rent space if requested. Unsurprisingly, in the following days the student body organized a walk out protest. I was strongly against Spencer coming to campus, but yet when the protest interrupted my organic chemistry lecture, I stayed in my seat. At the time, I justified my inaction by telling myself that the upcoming exam in that course took precedent. I told myself that if I let the prospect of Spencer coming to speak interfere with the education I worked so hard for, it would be a form of a win for him. But since then, this small incident of inaction has continued to bother me.

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All throughout my K-12 education, the ideals of democracy and qualities of what makes a “good citizen” were drilled into my head year after year in civics classes. However, at that time I was too young to vote, and as a result I felt excused from other qualities of good citizens (staying informed about current events and candidates, participating in protests, contacting my elected officials, etc). Then, right around when I turned 18 and was ready to assume our role as “good citizens,” life got a lot more complicated – I needed to learn how to live independently, manage family obligations, and meet the demands of higher education and work all at once.

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Being on a very politically engaged college campus for the last 3 years has opened my eyes to my many shortcomings in the realm of politics – struggling to stay involved, not protesting for issues I care about, forgetting to vote, not watching presidential candidate debates, to name a few. Through all of these experiences, I couldn’t help but feel an accumulating sense of shame and guilt. My failure to protest against Spencer was just the first of many times that, instead of following my ideals, I behaved like a “bad citizen.”

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For this reason, I chose a rhetorical analysis of that catalytic email from our University’s President for my origin piece. Initially, I was still interested in exploring where his wording went wrong. I used blackout poetry to creatively explore which words could have been focused on and clouded his argument. After being frustrated by the confines of only using words that were already on the page, I realized that I was truly more interested in exploring my own experiences and failures. Throughout several started essays, I tried to write my story in a way that would still be meaningful and relatable to others. I struggled with the amount of backstory to give and became frustrated with the self-centered nature of my first attempt. In the nest essay I researched the political engagement of young adults and worked to intertwine my findings with my own experience.

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It was in this research process that I realized I wanted the stories of others to shine. As many people shy away from “talking about politics,” our personal shames and failures in the realm of politics get shared even less. In my experience, the guilt from being politically inactive tends to accumulate and cause a cycle leading to more inaction. Through this project I was hoping to create a nonpartisan space where people could acknowledge the times their actions didn’t align with their ideals. Hopefully, this acknowledgement, along with being able to see that they are not the only one struggling with these issues, will help people move forward.